I hear these things a lot, and I imagine other people hear this stuff, too, so I thought I'd jot them down along with the rebuttals that are always in my head. (And it's not directed at anyone specific, so no worries if you've ever found yourself saying any of these things!) It's meant to be fairly light-hearted, so don't take it as me being angry :)
- "Did that hurt?" In reference to my tattoos. No, being stabbed repeatedly with a tiny needle for hours at a time is a pleasant sensation. Of COURSE it hurts.
- "Do you know Person X, who has tattoos? Or Person Y, who is a tattoo artist?" No, I don't. Do you know every other person who asks silly questions? Why would I know your cousin who lives in another state, just because he has a tattoo? Or Bob the tattooist who lives in Alaska, thousands of miles away from me? This is only a reasonable question if you're asking me about a local tattoo shop.
- "Do you know what causes that?" In reference to pregnancy. And whoever says it always laughs it up like it's terribly clever and they're the only one who's ever said that to me. My chiropractor gave me this line every.single.week at my appointment. Just answer with deadpan "Yes. Sex." Or, as my husband does "Yeah, and we're obviously pretty good at it."
- "You have your hands full!" Usually said when I have all the kids with me and one or more is being a hooligan. "Better full than empty!" is what I say when I'm feeling charitable. I grunt when I'm not. And if I only have two or three of the kids with me when I get this one, I get a kick out of informing them that there's more at home. (Is having 4 kids really that weird??)
- "I don't need a religion, I have a relationship with Jesus." Said smugly in response to learning I'm a Catholic Christian. The implication is, of course, that because I have a specific religion, I obviously don't have a relationship with Christ. Newsflash: I have that religion because of my relationship with Christ. The two are not mutually exclusive.
- "But all the Catholics I know use birth control!" Well, la-dee-dah for all the Catholics you know! The Church is not a democracy. The number of Catholics using birth control has zero to do with whether it's acceptable to God and the Church, and zero to do with whether or not I personally use it. And didn't your mother ever pose the bridge scenario to you? I'm not in to peer pressure, thanks.
