November 9, 2009

Stabat Mater

The memorial for the unborn babies that Dominic was included in was on Saturday. It was very touching, and very emotional. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, and it was the first time I've seen him cry (I've seen him tear up before, but never actually cry). I'm glad we went, we took the girls and my mom and my husband's aunt both came, too. It was difficult but it will be nice to have a place to visit.

I've been struggling the last few days with regrets. I wish I had taken a picture of Dominic. I saw him, but only briefly, and I feel like I'm already losing his little face in my memory and it's being replaced with "generic fetal image" in my mind and I hate that. I regret hoping he was going to be another little girl. I never had a desire to have a son, but of course now that's all I want. I keep dreaming about little boys and it seems like I can't get away from the pain, even in my sleep.

The Sorrowful Mother is a devotion I've always been drawn to, but of course it has particular meaning to me now. The Blessed Virgin knows better than anyone the pain of losing a son. I know her mantle is wrapped around me, and I know both my children in Heaven are under her tender care, and that brings me some comfort.


5 comments:

Dawn said...

Katie,
we did take a picture of our little one before burial. However, I don't look at it much anymore. I prefer to imagine her as a chubby little thing, happy and light in the garden of St. Therese.

Shelley said...

Katie, I read all your blog posts relating to the baby here at your site. I am so sorry. I can see that it would be a great comfort to picture your babies, happy and well, cradled in the Blessed Mother's arms, sitting on her lap, being rocked and petted.

Prayers and tears.

Jeremie, Josee, Monkey (22 months) and Squirrel (coming soon) said...

Katie, my heart aches for you and your family. May our Lord surround you with His love.

eve said...

hi katie,

i am very sorry for the loss of your little son dominic. great name. of course i'm biased since my middle name is dominique. i have followed your blog off and on for the last little while (i remember you from the catholic forum on mothering.com!) i just went through almost the exact same thing on october 16th. i have 4 girls, and our 14 week baby was a boy. i do think it's weird that ever since i miscarried, i have been encountering almost nothing but stories of other similar miscarriages. there's some comfort in knowing that so many others have been there. i'll pray for peace and healing for you!

-eve

Katie said...

Eve, I'm so sorry to hear about your son. I'll keep you in my prayers.