April 28, 2011

I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with blogging, if you haven't noticed (which is why I go long periods without posting, and then post a bunch in a row).  Especially lately...  A lot of people seem invested in promoting their blogs and getting more readers, which honestly is something I've never had a desire for.  More people just feels like more pressure to "perform" and it stresses me out.  At the same time, any time I lose a "follower," it makes me feel inadequate ("What did I do wrong?  Why don't they like me?")  I think that's largely a personal character flaw.  When I was diagnosed with BPD, the therapist gave me a book to have family read called "I Hate You; Don't Leave Me" and gosh, that sure sums me up!  But I wonder if other "bloggers" have similar feelings?  It's part of the reason I have seriously considering just dropping Blogger all together; it doesn't seem very healthy about such things.  Still not sure about that.  In the meantime, I've decided to just try out being a little more open and honest.  Maybe that will allow me to feel a little more free to post what's on my mind.  :)


6 comments:

Rightthinker-Andrea said...

GREAT post, Katie! I think I'm feeling some of your same sentiments. :D

Sometimes it seems to be a waste of time..Thankfully I don't spend too much time with it..and, I guess if I just treat it like a thought journal, then it's not such a waste of time when I pour my thoughts out on the blog!

I hope you don't decide to drop your blog, as I love reading it, and it's the only way you and I keep in touch! I do like the idea of your new take on it, though!

God Bless!

Amy said...

I used to get very wrapped up in the numbers. Now I'm only slightly wrapped up in them :)

I just have to remind myself why I started blogging -- for a creative outlet for myself. Sure, it feels great to see some of those follow #s go up and I feel the same sense of "what did I do wrong" when I lose a follower. But mostly, I write what I want to and hope others will stick around.

Angie @ Many Little Blessings said...

I just posted this week that I had to go to my networking group and tell them that I thought my blog sucks. And, quite frankly, I'm not the first one in our group to do this. Almost everyone in our group has had moments (or longer) of thinking that they want to walk away from their blogs. (For most of us, it seems to happen every so often.) I think it's just the nature of blogging.

Lucy said...

I think your blog is lovely - to have a glimpse into your world. I know for many their blog is an income or a "ministry", so I guess numbers matter more to them, but to me my blog is just an outlet, an easy way to record memories and share happenings with a few friends - I don't even know how many read my blog and seldom get comments but it doesn't matter to me. In fact I prefer it! I was recently recognised from my blog at church and I HATED that - it made me want to close my blog, but for many bloggers that would make their day. So I think you should blog as yourself, for yourself, and enjoy it! Authentic blogs are much more interesting than when people try too hard - I have a few friends who I knew when they had small blogs who then went on to get more "famous" and their blog became so unreal that I have pretty much stopped reading.

Andrea said...

I guess I'm a weirdo because I hardly tell anyone I know about my blog. I use it more as a diary, a place to document what I do so I don't feel like I've done nothing. Actually, I was a little miffed because I couldn't put pictures of a present I made for a friend because she reads my blog. I'd rather be able to write about anything without it affecting anyone.

Maybe I should just write for real in a diary...

Katie said...

Andrea, I hardly tell anyone I know IRL about my blog, either!